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How to Talk to Senior Loved Ones About the Future

Written by Rae Booth on June 22, 2022. Posted in Elder Care Blog.

Talking about the future can be tremendously thrilling at various times in our lives. We fantasize about the experiences we’ll have, the house we’ll live in, the possible companion, and the children we might be fortunate enough to have. But as we age, anticipating the future might become both a little less thrilling and a little more stressful for the person and their loved ones.

When deciding how to make future plans for a loved one who is an older adult, you could experience a range of conflicting feelings as that person’s family member or caretaker. Most adult children are not eager to start a talk about their wishes for the future. Families frequently postpone having these conversations completely. Many people try to steer clear of these subjects out of concern that they are too delicate to discuss with a loved one.

Moving to an assisted living facility, giving up driving, downsizing from a large home, and other similar issues can be difficult for elderly people and their adult children to even bring up, let alone discuss in detail. To avoid offending the elder.

It can be daunting to anticipate how awkward these conversations will be, and navigating them might be difficult at first. But having a good future plan can provide you both peace of mind and guarantee that your loved one’s requirements are handled in a timely and considerate manner.

Refer to these practical suggestions for further direction and assistance as you explore starting or continuing these conversations with your elderly loved one:

Advice on Having Tough Talks About Your Loved One’s Future

The 40/70 Rule should be followed since waiting for a crisis to arise, such as an accident or injury, requires seniors and their loved ones to make decisions hastily and without all of the information they need. Experts advise applying what is known as the 40/70 rule when making future plans. In other words, you start planning for the future whenever a parent or adult kid reaches the age of 40. Convey to your loved ones that your intentions are to assist them in having the best retirement possible if you are the adult kid starting this conversation. They will be able to unwind and relish the life they deserve by thinking ahead and making plans.

Setting the stage for a productive conversation requires active listening and mutual respect because these types of interactions can elicit strong emotions on both sides. The objective of the talk can be made obvious and effective by establishing ground rules before you begin. One ground rule we suggest is deciding you’ll both listen to one other and respect each other’s perspectives. Adult children are frequently shocked to see how greatly their loved ones’ concerns and phobias diverge from their own. For instance, an elderly family member might worry about paying for assisted living or that they will lose their freedom once they move. In contrast, adult kids may worry that their parents would put off making a change, like quitting driving, which jeopardizes their safety. Having a close friend or family member there to support or assist the chat could also be beneficial.
Be Solutions-Oriented – It’s crucial to keep in mind that not all of these conversations need to or should be in-depth, depressing ones. You can make sure that these interactions are productive and solution-focused by starting the planning process. For instance, discuss what your parents would like to happen if they start to struggle to handle their personal hygiene requirements or to maintain their home. Do they favor hiring 24-hour in-home care, or do they believe relocating to an assisted living facility would be more cost-effective? Talk about some “what if” possibilities as well, such as potential worries about their driving abilities or the dangers of living alone.
Keep in Mind Your Next Steps – It’s crucial to accept that you and your loved one will probably have a number of conversations because you probably won’t be able to resolve everything in one conversation. Seniors and caregivers will both feel more at ease with the subject thanks to this staged approach, and you can both come up with a thoughtful, adaptable strategy that is suitable for your loved one.